Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
