dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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