everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
