Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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