I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
