Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
