just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
