I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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