so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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