i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
