I look better un-naked...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
