Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
