your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
