You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?