Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?