I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.