Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.