Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(619): View more from California

on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"

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(808): View more from Hawaii

And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.

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(954): View more from Florida

Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???

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