Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad