i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???