dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
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I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.