I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..