I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
