i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
