She said her name was "party"
well you can't waste a boner
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
