I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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