I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
