question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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