I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I lost the right to judge tonight
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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