i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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