this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
