I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
