When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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