im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
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I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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