you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
