tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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