I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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