im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
