My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you are never too drunk for berry picking
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dicks are not precious.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
