But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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