we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
