Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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