I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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