Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
