You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
