Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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