I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
