fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
