What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
