my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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