Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
