your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
