does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
