Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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