So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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