Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
