why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
