they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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