Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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