What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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