my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
