oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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