it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
NoShamevember. You game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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