I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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