loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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