hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will be naked everywhere
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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