just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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